Things just got from bad to the worst of the worst

Things just got from bad to the very worst. I don't know what happened but we argued and fight more then ever. It even got to the point that I ran away from him 3 times since he came here to celebrate New Year and his b'day here.

I just don't understand what I have done wrong that I deserved this kind of treatment from him. It just happened. Even there was his fault that he threw his temper at me but it just seems that it's never his wrong but my wrong and my fault. These few days are really bad and I just don't understand why. I even asked him what have I done to deserve how he treated me. We both finally break down and cried together on the night of countdown for both New Year and his b'day. But, still it didn't stopped there but another argument and I ran for the third time on New Year's day and also his b'day.

I just wished all those never happened. It seems what ever I have planned nothing went according to plan. Everything was just ruined. Including my heart. I also realized something during these few days and so much argument and fight we went through, I realized that I loved him more than he loved me. I could go to any extend to do anything for him or to just pleased him. I planned his b'day and his gifts so carefully but nothing worked at the end. I really don't know I was the one who spoiled it, or he spoiled it. There was not only once he raised his voiced at me or throw his temper at me during this trip. Each time he does that, my heart breaks more and more. And I even told him that I loved him more than he loved me. I really don't know he realized that or not.

But, at least today was his last day here and everything at least went according to plan and went well. Was rather unexpected that he never liked to wear ring that he suggested to buy couple ring. We bought a pair of silver ring and what more unexpected was he proposed twice in the car tonight while we were waiting for his bus to arrived. When he asked me, I really wanted to say yes to him. But, I didn't. I just felt that he don't meant it eventhough he asked me twice. I really do wished he was serious about it even though, I know now is too early to talk about all this. But, my heart was so filled for once by him. I just don't know why, I keep falling for him more and more when I keep telling myself not to. I just don't seem to be able to stop myself from it. More so it was really sad to part with him. Especially you are sending him off at the bus station. I really didn't want him to go. And I really wished that we never wasted the last 4 days with all our argument and fights. I really wished we had enjoyed the last 4 days liked today and be happy being together.

It's even sadder when you know that, we are not going to meet every month anymore this year compared to last year. And we don't know when again we will be seeing each other again. 3 months from now? During my b'day which is 6 months away? Or during my convocation in August? It may just seem three months we have been together, but it seems like we have been together for years. Our relationship started really fast and things went so fast and so naturally btw us. It's like nothing btw us was false and that it's like years of being together. I really don't know whether he felt it or not. He never tells me though.........