What?? An Accident!!!

Things really got out of hand. I was just enjoying the view of my new lappy that I got last Friday night. Was too looking for a fruitful enjoyable weekend.

End Up???

Sad....

Exhausting.....

Terrified.......

Traumatized..........

It was really a tiring weekend with the traveling. While both my good passengers sitting next to me and behind me had their naps while I was driving back to Ipoh. It was a tiring drive though.

Got home, picked up my granny and took her out for shopping. As for at night dinner, dinner and hang out with the girls. -.- only managed to sleep, hmmmm.... let's say 4 am or maybe earlier.

Woke up at 7am. Out for breakfast. Hunting for "dim sum" hehehehe.... Then some window shopping with my housemate and bf. Tiring and disappointing. My mum, my bf and I were totally just following my housemate walking around a shopping complex maybe say half the size of Queensbay Mall in Penang for 4 hours.

She went in shop by shop to look at clothes and only close to the end of the 4 hours she manage to buy a blouse. Sigh.... tiring you know... and later at 6.30pm have family dinner... Gosh...!

Let's get back to shopping then...

Mum was in the shop with her... mum said she was staring at a blouse for 5 minutes blankly dunno what to do. Talking about my she housemate, my first impression on her was... she has a bit of a mental prob. And everyday she comes home complaining about her job and her boss. YES!!! Even you are busy in your room trying your very best to finish your work, she will be standing at your door complaining about her boss even she knows you are busy...

Ok... let's turn back to shopping.....

She knew that all 3 of us were waiting for her alone. Yet, she still proceed with her choosing and staring blankly at blouses. 30 minutes later, she finally bought a black blouse. And...and......and......... me half dead.... HAIZ........

Dinner was ok... But due to my lack of sleep... my monster temper is out... Yeah... and the poor guy who had to suffer was my bf. ***sorry dear*** :P Then partly your fault too for making me more angry for the night.

Then goes on to the day of traveling back to Penang. Yikes... rain stop rain... then heavy rain stop sudden heavy rain......

Just not long right after the Taiping - Kamunting exit, there was an accident in front. So, all cars stop... And I was the lucky one to be the last car to stop... Had my hand brakes up and I was still stepping on my brakes... (raining man, Scared the back fellow can't see)

WAHLAU EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????????????

I just stopped my car for like 5 seconds and *BANG!!!!!!!!* ...

My heart... dropped out... and I blurted blankly without noticing, "Sei lo, tis time" (Die tis time)

Got down of the car and went to have a look at the back of my car... DAMN...!!! Car back door finish...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bunny: Dear... come up front here (pointing at the car bumper)
*me walk to the front*
Rin Rin: OMG!!! WTF...!!! WTH.....!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My front bumper was badly damage as well to the extend that I can open the car bonnet. But, Thank God my bonnet has no damage.

Haiz... the impact was so great that my car was push forward even with brakes on hit the front car. But, thank God again, front car no damage. Ended up at police station for almost 3 hours to get the report done and by the time we got home in Penang, it was already 10++pm.

Am super burnt out... I slept the instance my head hits the pillow =D

(Bunny refers to my BF) :p

Finally.... PC Fair...

Heh...heh...heh.... finally Dec...
Then again I can't wait for my holidays to start on 24 December... Tomorrow someone's gonna be here.

Not only that... PC FAIR 2008 too... I hope there are going to be Xmas promotions. Need to get a new laptop of mine. ^.^ hopes to get a good price out of it.

It's over, It's tiring...

Sigh... Convo's over and I am damn bloody tired. Just send Bunny off and tomorrow will have to send another 2 off. NO...!! I am not happy about it. In fact very emo about it. Been holding back my tears when sending Lex off. What about tomorrow sending my best gals off too for tomorrow?

The last when we said goodbye, we are sure to meet again during convo. This time.... I am speechless. After this parting when will we ever meet again? Not only that, I am left alone again in this lonely place to walk this lonely journey of the the new phrase.

I am not very happy walking down this path. BUT, I know that I have to be strong to go through with it. Seriously, I have choose the worst and the hardest path to walk in. If I am given a choice again, I would not have done the same.

Life since July is bad. Tired to my bones that can break and lack of sleep most of the time. I just wish one day has more then 24 hours. Then I might have enough time to work and to do my studies as well.

Now, I am really feeling really lazy. I really don't feel like going back to work tomorrow, after 4 days of not working. This is really killing me going back to work and back to the most busy time.

I WANT A PROPER LONG HOLIDAY AND OUT OF MALAYSIA!!!!! Damn...not because of my work I would have been some where having a long holiday........ I hate it...!! How long more can I really take all this and this lonesome time alone again here???

ANNOYED and PISS OFF

Seriously, I am really annoyed and pissed off. What are they thinking? Am I some ball to be pass or kicked around as they like?!! Six interviews with DELL, and each interview is about an hour to an hour and a half. What more is that they have been passing me around in 3 different teams but of the same stupid department.

If I am not short listed then so be it. They don't have to pass me around from one team to another and at the end of the day they tell me that I am not shorlisted and they have recommended me to another team. Why can't they just leave me be like my other two unsuccessful coursemates? It's not that I am really into that job and I have to be polite and not to tell them off if I don't want my name to be blacklisted on jobstreet. Seriously, for my last interview, I just gave the don't care attitude and the lazy asnwers to them.

It's so sickening that I have to do the interview during a vacation and worst of all during my outing with my grandmother. Guess what... had that stupid phone interview for an hour standing at JJ carpet section... @@

Damn...!! What the heck are they thinking?!! If they gonna call another time, I am seriously going to fire them off...

All is DoNe

Well, I am done with all the shifting and interviews. Had 2 interviews in a day and I only had an hour to rush from one end of the island to the other end. Ended up manage to get the later afternoon bus back. Thought I won't get to come back as I was told bus tickets were sold out. What to expect. Yesterday was a Friday and what more is the last day of Finals for USM students.

Been in and out of Dell 2 times basically, adi 5 interviews I have with them. Sienz... pushing me around teams of the same department only. Anyhow, I guessed I figured out on what kind of a job I want to do. Well... manage to snatch a spot and went for the interview yesterday morning. This I will have to thank my new housemate for helping me. Well, not really all of his help, after all he intro me to his friend working in IdeaSeed and she recommended me to the company.

Yeah, only with the recommendation I got to go for the interview. When I applied earlier on my own with my resume, I didn't even got close enough to be called for the interview at all. Anyhow, thanks to Adrian and Jessy for it. No matter what, both of them played a big part for me to get to go for the interview. Now I only can pray and hope that I get the job since it is of my interest and something related to my field of studies. I seriously don't want to be put down by my family that my degree only can get me a spot in the world by working as a teacher or a lecturer. I really hate it when they start telling me that I am wasting my talent and the years of my degree studies in a career that's not related. Bet, I can finally tell that I am not wasting those 3 years and my talent. Since this is something related and required what I have studied in the last 3 years and this career if I ever get, it's going to be a boost for my Masters as well. Oh...God....pls let me get through with it.....

Anyhow... I think at the mean time I am going to sleep off and get full rest before my Sarawak trip on the 1st of May. I really can't wait to go for a good holiday and spend sometime with my best and close friend before we really part. At the same time, I hope they take their time to consider about my application. Don't want to hv a clash later on since I have to start work immediately or so...

BuRN OuT, DeaD tiReD...

Messed up room

I am totally burned out... tired to the maximun. Six days of non-stop traveling - Pg to Genting, Genting back to Pg, Pg to Ipoh, a day taking my coursemate touring the town, then Ipoh back to Pg. As for today... a day trip back to Ipoh. Dead tired... Yesterday's one day trip is my fault though. Forgot to take my certs back with me and I have to down to Dell for a face-to-face interview. But then, it was postponed to tomorrow. The phone interview sucks and I was on the phone for that interview for more then 45 minutes.

@@ Still...Thinking back. I still have a lot of packing to do, and my hostel room is still in a mess. I guess that would be a rush since I have to start moving my things tomorrow afternoon after the interview. I just hope that it won't be too long.

Well then, Adios..... Gotta go back and continue packing...........

That's it. Finale! Done! Game Over!

Well... It's done and GAME OVER!!


That's it the last paper is done. Now we are having our final tea/dinner together before all of us goes separate ways. Two getting married this year and another in 2 years time, and two confirmed Masters in USM. What about others? Will we ever meet again?

Well, it's just sad that all of us have to part. Really, I really cherish these 3 years a lot, and these 3 years have brought a new meaning to my life. I am going to miss my girls as well. It's like been forever we have been sticking together, doing assignments to the late nights and so on. When I mention of assignments and projects, I mean individual works. Whatever is it, we hardly had any group work to do together but only to just support each other and each of our works, study and prepare for exams together. The best part is that, we got so frustrated...and ended up at Starbucks to continues our CL assignment there. How I wish that every moment will last forever.

A lot of people have been questioning me, 'What are you going to do after this?', 'What kind of a job that your degree offers you when u can't go into teaching?', and etc. etc. etc. bla..bla...bla..... Dad's worried about my future and mum and bro have been trying to talk me into lecturing and so on with teaching. Sorry...have no interest in them. Basically, I just don't know. I just need a break and sort out what I want other then wanting to do my Masters. And YES! I am one of the two who got Masters in USM and be starting in July.

I have been applying for jobs too and was adi on an interview with Dell. Now I waiting for the HR department to call me, once I get through it would be the department itself. I guess I should be expecting at least 3 interviews from them. But, what's so great about the job? After all my job is just be on tele-sales for Australia and New Zealand. Working hours and holidays would be following them, and a lot of OTs and so on. Seriously speaking, I am not interested in the job at all. I guess at the time being I just don't care but at least get a job first and slowly get what I want.

Anyway, don't care. I am going Genting tomorrow and go home on Friday after PC Fair. I am going all out to enjoy my last 2 days with the girls. When I am back, it would be a whirl wind of interviews, packing and house shifting. YES!!! I am finally moving out and staying on my own!!!






This is the 2005 to 2008 ELLS...

Wah...gonna miss all of you......

Dreaming my way.....

Dang...!!

Really miss my younger days. I wish I can go back to those days again. Growing up and being an adult is not easy. Especailly now, you are at the dead end and at the end of your Uni life. You gotta start thinking of getting and jobs and so on. It's so frustrating. What more, is that you have to look for a job and not knowing what interest you have in that job. Think again, what can my degree do? Who want's an English major? I can't seem to find a job that requires an English major, other then Management or Business or Engineering majors.

Each day I browse through jobstreet.com and newpapers... Mass Com Majors or those "important" majors needed but no place for English major.....

Wah....I want go back to dream land and forget about this world. I want go back to 16 or 18 of age instead of a young adult now!!!

Anyhow, I am like dreaming all the way through my final exams. I don't know what I am studying through out my whole exam period. Studying and trying hard to concentrate... But, my mind seems to be flying somewhere else instead of real concentrating on my studies. My mind's like thinking more of the future and also fantersizing something that will not come true..... lalala............ How to do my final paper like this on next Tuesday...??

Most crazy think is that, I have started studying on my last paper but still nothing seems to be in my head. In fact, I only seem to have a bit of memory of it and it's like an unclear memory of it. Really have to pump for my paper tomorrow the whole day. And Damn that tree diagram for Syntax.... It's really making me go crazy.... At least Semantics and Pragmatics are still okay and I still can understand them and remember them.

Lalilali pig pig... I am still in dream land and fantasizing on things...... Lalalalalala............... How to do well in my last paper being like this..... What more I can't wait for my Genting trip on Wednesday right after my paper on Tuesday... Then...I am dreaming of going to Kuching, Sarawak on first of May....but at the same time I also want go to Singapore to Bunny's house warming....... Wah.........How I hope I have clons of myself............... LAlalalalala..........I am going nuts with dreaming.......

Everything is Coming to an End too SooN

Everything is coming to end real fast. Just a blink and the last semester is gone, and also it's a semester since I wrote anything here. My last paper will be on next Tuesday. And that day really the end of Uni life.

I really don't wish this is the last sem. I just wish that school life will go on and on. I really enjoyed my Uni life dispite the downs I have. Next on, I really don't know what to do. Should I sit back and relax, or should I just start getting a job?

Anyhow, I already got a place to stay here in Penang during my 3 months holidays. Next semester is going to start in July. Yeah, I got my Masters in Arts back in my Uni. I am glad that I got it, at the same time I fear I can't cope with it and as well as I can't get aboard Unis for my Masters. Sigh...I don't know how to describe my feelings. It's just that you feel happy you got it, yet, I just feel the same like nothing changes in the world.

It's also kinda amazing that ppl review your resume and refer you to certain companies. Yeah, I got refer to Dell Malaysia as a Sales Account Manager. Basically, you would just sit and be an operator with Aus and NZ and make sure the accounts are going well. Anyhow, I don't really feel interested for the job. Perhaps if the pay is good then I would think of accepting it. Getting in also will bring other advantages as well.

What ever is it, I still need to hunt for a new laptop...!! Sigh...I miss my lappy very much. But, can I do...?? So, well taken care of it and the motherboard is dead. Sigh.....

I also want travel around this holiday. But, when comes to money wise... Really have to think twice. Even my had friend offer me free accomodation when we go Taiwan, I have to think twice whether I can afford for the air tickets or not. Then...backpacking in Hong Kong... Boon Sin.....you better plan for that... Then Japan with Yee Wun. YEE WUN!!! YOU DON'T DARE FLY AEROPLANE WITH ME ARG...........!! You are the one who suggest that we go Japan if both of us able to grad this year ar.......So, you don't go break promise with me ar.... And make sure we go before July for all trips... Coz, am starting back studies then...

Well, anyhow Good Luck to All those having finals in May and all the Best to All. THose grading with me this April and from USM, Good Luck in the Future and All the Best too.

I AM GOING TO MISS ALL OF YOU, ELLS 2005-2008!!

Crap poem I wrote for our Assignments...

Lolz... This is one crap poem I wrote for one of the subject assignments for Valentine's.....


That's the cover.... I spent like 2 hours or more just getting the cover right and finding materials to bind it.... Lolz.... XD And not to forget the content inside. I burn my fingers getting the old looking edge of the paper...
Anyhow, here the poem goes...... Well... I was a bit in anger when I wrote it.... Lolz..... Don't think it ever matters.....

Dearest Love,

It used to be love,

Now it became hatred,

But, my love to thee grew stronger.

My heart breaks like a fragile glass,

Falls like stars in the sky,

Crumples to sand as it hits the ground,

Grinds into dusk as the wind blows.

Yet, I was blessed by God,

My heart was replaced and healed,

Allowing me to love thee more.

I asked myself,

Am I to thee a hateful parasite,

In thy blood,

Does thee hate me this much?

Thee always answer,

Thyself a parasite to me,

That thee live in my blood and heart.

Thee affects my heart and soul,

That I can never be separated from thee,

Thy anger and rage over me,

Yet, thee still the love of mine.

Let this prayer come true, And,

Thy allow this gentle fair maiden,

To love thee with her heart.

Rushing everything, tired up life

GoD!! I am having my bad allergies again....... And I didn't even eat any seafood or anything that can cause my allergies. As a matter a fact, I hardly ate the whole week.

Hadn't been able to sleep much lately or either eat. Haven't even bought my own new year clothes. I am so broke to the maximum. And I am losing weight like mad. I only just realize that I lost 5kg and that my face slim down to near hollow. Lolz.... I wish to lose more weight then.

Been suffering from migraines almost everyday and as well as insomnia. Only manage to sleep 2 or 3 nights peacefully and the rest restless nights. Some how, I don't know how, just some how, I pulled and twisted my right ankle vain. Swell like a pig head since the second day and hadn't been able to walk much. It was surprising that I can stand 2 days of 8 hours work for both Sunday and Monday. What more to walk all the back to my room to just grabbed my laptop and come down again to online after last night work when I am dead tired and leg dead pain. At the end what did i get? Just because I asked a few questions and he just exploded on me. And the response I get is that I forced him, demanded him, and control him. Why?? All because the few questions I asked.

Forget it. I don't want to hang on anymore if he really decides to give me up. No point I keep holding on to him when he is not happy with me. The more I hold on to him the more is going to suffer with me and hate me a long the way. If my heart is to be broken by him forever then so be it. After this, after him no more man in my life. I had enough. The first was a cheater, liar and a freak. When I finally loved one, this happens. I seriously don't know does he really love me or not, or I am the only one being in love with him.

Work has been ok so far. But, it's really tiring and when especially you can't get any sleep or get yourself to eat but to force at least a bit of food down your throat. Maybe that's the reason why I am losing weight drastically.

Replacement classes are all filling in as well as one of my tutorials group got messed up. My lecturer actually put me in a group of another tutorial slot which is like totally impossible for me to work with them as my time of tutorial is totally different from them. What more, assignments and projects all came in at a single time and also due dates are too soon and it's next month. I feel like I don't have enough time for anything. Maybe it's because I am working as well and need to study, and attend classes. What more tutorial homeworks are like mountains high.

How I wish I am not broke to the maximum then I don't have to work and I could spend more time on my projects and assignments. In fact, don't even have the time to sleep. What more personal problems are really weighing heavily on my shoulders too. I guess that's one of the problems causing my insomnia and migraines. I even have piles of clothes lining up for me to wash and I hadn't have any time to even wash them. I really wish some one could just comfort me and lend m a shoulder to cry on.

Even I cry to the maximum and my eyes swollen also no one would care about me or know or even bother. Life is so messed up for me. I really want to get out of this mess and also stressful and pressure up life. I just want to go into my isolated world and isolate myself forever there and not care for anything about life or care for anyone anymore in this world.

Jordan Knight - Say Goodbye

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Yeah
I’ve been so lost lately
I don’t really understand baby
Where did I go wrong
I wanna talk to you
Please call
–==Deborah==–
Where do I begin with you
after all that we’ve been through
I don’t think that it would be right if we
got together so suddenly
–==Jordan==–
I wish that I could take back all the things that I said
and replace them with simply I love you instead

–==Deborah==–
You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
–==Jordan==–
But I only wanted you to stay
then I let you just slip away
–==Deborah==–
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
–==Jordan==–
Girl, I never meant to say goodbye
Mmm Oh yeah

–==Jordan==–
I think about the past baby
Why we couldn’t make it last, lady
I know you still have doubts
But I’m gonna prove that we can work things out
–==Deborah==–
I wanna be sure that you know what you put me through
and reveal that you intend to never let me down again
–==Jordan==–
It’s clear to me and I can’t ignore
that I have to give you something I couldn’t before

–==Deborah==–
You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
–==Jordan==–
[Say Goodbye lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

But I only wanted you to stay
then I let you just slip away
–==Deborah==–
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
–==Jordan==–
Girl, I never meant to say goodbye

–==Deborah==–
I didn’t think that we would come to this
–==Jordan==–
Ooh, no
Your eyes, your face, your smile is what I miss
–==Deborah==–
Why’d you wait so long to take me back
–==Deborah & Jordan==–
It’s all a simple misunderstanding

–==Deborah==–
You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (Never wanna try)
–==Jordan==–
But I only wanted you to stay
then I let you just slip away
-==Deborah==–
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
–==Jordan==–
Girl, I never meant to say goodbye

–==Deborah==–
You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (But I never meant to say)
–==Jordan==–
But I only wanted you to stay
then I let you just slip away
–==Deborah==–
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside (Never meant to see you cry, never meant to say)
then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
and if you need me then tell me why
–==Jordan==–
Girl, I never meant to say goodb

I don't know anymore, I just wish to disappear

I feel so lost these few days. After Saturday night argument with him, again he refused to contact me but just ignored me. Yeah, I have to be the one again to contact him if i really want to be happy with him. Cause he only expects me to go to him and not him to me. As usual his reasons are that he is tired of apologizing to me and letting me cool down and so on. I do some times wonder, is he doing it purposely?

Lost concentration at work the last few days. Took shoes from high shelf and it fell on me. On Monday got myself screwed by one of my co-workers for not being careful. Was walking on the side walk and kinda lost focus awhile, slip and fell. Bruised up my left hand. It still hurts till now as it's skin is off and there was split at the flesh. But, then it was not that bad. Just that I can't move it much around.

Tried to talk to him last night. And I don't even know he realized or not yesterday was our 4th month anniversary. I guessed he didn't even bother about it. And he admitted a lot of things that really break my heart. He admitted that I loved him more than him and I also realized that he can't really do or sacrifice things for me. In fact, I felt that he sees his reputation as a very important thing too. He even admitted if I don't messaged or go back to him, he would have continued to just ignored me. It really cut me like a knife. It hurts so much. I really wanted to cry that time, and I keep begging myself not to since I was in public.

I really want to cry. I cried, but I can't seem to cry all out. My mind keeps going back to him. I missed him a lot. I can't sleep at night, I don't have appetite to eat

I asked him today, did he meant what he said to me on 2nd Jan. His reply was he don't remember, then came next that he was sleeping and just simply answered me. He even said it was too early for that now. Then why did you asked me twice that night? He replied it was just teasing me, if really would, he would have got a ring and so on. You bought me a ring that day and u asked me on the same day twice!!

I felt like I was being played. My heart then breaks another crack again. I really don't know what I should feel anymore. I don't even know what I should tell him and what I should not. Cause I am so afraid that I will hurt him further or make him angry. And I am very afraid of how he would treat me. Those harsh ways and those voice raising that he would do. I really can't stand them. I really just want to break into pieces and fade away from this world. But, anyhow I told him to decide what he wants from this relationship. Does he wants to continue or not? I just wish he could just stop dragging me. I can't take all these pain anymore. What ever he wants, including break-up, I will give in to him. I don't want to hold on to him anymore if it hurts him so much to be with me.

I just don't know anymore. I just wish to disappear from this world. So, I don't have to worry about all these kind of things and life.

What Is Love?

When we claim that it's love that we have for someone, are we correct?
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?
It is not love, its like.
You cant keep your eyes or hands off of them .. am i right?
Its not love, its lust.
Are you proud and eager to show them off?
Its not love, its luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
Its not love, its loneliness.
Are you there because its what everyone wants?
Its not love, its loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you or held your hand?
Its not love, its low confidence.
Do you stay for their confessions of love because you don`t want to hurt them?
Its not love, its pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
Its not love, its infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care bout them?
Its not love, its friendship.
Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of?
Its not love, its a lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
Its not love, its charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then its love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then its love.
Do their eyes see your true heart and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then its love.
Do you stay because blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
Then its love.
Do you accept their faults because they are a part of who they are?
Then its love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then its love.
Would you allow them to leave you not because they want to but because they have to?
Then its love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then its love.
If love is painful and tortures us, why do we love?
Why is it that`s all we search for in life? This pain .. this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture .. this powerful death of self? Why?!
The answer is so simple cause its.. LOVE..
It is such an addiction that even people who are not having it wish to experience and share it.

Does It Matter?

Once upon a time it was called love,
Called care, and blindness,
The deepest passion from the soul,
A thought of future and fantasy.

Knowing it will only be a dream,
Of feelings of untold desires,
Mistakes of the words, misunderstanding of speech.
That never stops stabbing the bleeding heart.

My heart breaks into a million pieces,
That showers off the sky like raining stars,
Crumples to sand as it hits land,
Grind to dust as the wind blows.

Then, I knew I was a fool,
A fool for playing with my own heart,
A fool for listening to my own desires,
A fool playing as a child.

My darkest past,
Comes back to haunts me,
As what sin I have done,
And now, I have a repayment of sin to do.

Yet, I tried to pick myself up,
Trying to ignore all feelings,
Trying to move on,
What most, trying to be someone else.

The more I tries to escape and listen,
The harder I tried being another,
Then realization hits me,
I hurt myself more when I ignore myself.

My heart sheds blood in my own hands,
What have I done?
I killed two hearts with a stone,
And there is no turning back.

I lost my senses together with my heart,
Sold and made a contract with the devil,
Took my pain and grief with me to my grave,
And now...My heart belongs to the devil.