It has been countless of times that people around me or my friends tells me that they truly admires me for what I am doing. Just this afternoon, I have a very close colleague and ex-colleague telling me again of that.
It really had me thinking. Am I Proud? Am I not?
Well, the answer is NO. I am not proud of what I doing right now. Countless times I have doubts on myself. Countless times I am regretting my decision to both work and study. To be honest, at times I can't believe that I am doing this and that I am very stupid to choose this path. Why?
Looking through the number of sufferings that I have to go through. It's really a hell of a time and a path to take. I may not appreciate this at this moment. BUT, I will in the future when I take a walk down memory lane.
The truth is, I HATE ppl asking me how to cope with work and studies, as both are equally so important. Well folks, my answer is... "You have no choice but to cope with it." Well... common... look at my life. It's like good as dead. My face is getting horrible with all the acne and pimples + I even have gastric now, and it's all due to stress.
Best part is that, I have signed up for my dissertation as well. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I will be finishing my MA next year. Please give me all the support you can give. Cause I really don't need admiration as I am not proud of what kind of a hell I am going through. What I really need from everyone is motivation and support.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
No IDEA what's up the next ROAD
Aiks... I just realized how long I have actually neglected my blog. Man... it's been since Feb.
Life have been really busy since then. Especially with work. Name it!!! We are SALVES for the company, where we get RM 1 from the company and they wants us to produce RM 10 work load + quality. More to say I was working till rather late at times (sometimes till 12am) Well, that's all I have to talk about work.
About my studies, yup have a lot of sleepless nights in March till April after my finals. But, all in all... I still enjoy my studies. And YES!!! I have gotten through my last semester exam. Really THank God for it.
At the moment, I'm contemplating whether to take up my dissertation or not for the coming semester. Man... I really can't make up my mind about it. Really need to clear my thoughts and think about it.
At the same time, I need to get a better job to get out of that place or all in all if I'm doing my dissertation must as well stop working and concentrate on my studies... :P
Life have been really busy since then. Especially with work. Name it!!! We are SALVES for the company, where we get RM 1 from the company and they wants us to produce RM 10 work load + quality. More to say I was working till rather late at times (sometimes till 12am) Well, that's all I have to talk about work.
About my studies, yup have a lot of sleepless nights in March till April after my finals. But, all in all... I still enjoy my studies. And YES!!! I have gotten through my last semester exam. Really THank God for it.
At the moment, I'm contemplating whether to take up my dissertation or not for the coming semester. Man... I really can't make up my mind about it. Really need to clear my thoughts and think about it.
At the same time, I need to get a better job to get out of that place or all in all if I'm doing my dissertation must as well stop working and concentrate on my studies... :P
Sunday, February 22, 2009
It's about just time.....
I have been having very bad gastric till I can't sit up last Thursday night. But, it didn't stop me from thinking.
Had my farewell dinner with Dr ET and Bakut. I do understand that both of them are concerned over my well being and end up both of them could not hold back any longer to just sit silent and not doing anything.
Yes, they counsel me after dinner at Sushi King. Their questions kept me pondering about till today.
I do admit that all this while I am in the self-denial state of convincing myself that I love this man a lot and by doing my best this relationship will go on. But, I guess I am wrong. Even outsiders can see that there is only one hand clapping instead of two, and me trying so hard to hold on tight.
I have no idea when this man will wake up and start moving and changing things. As he has once told me, he would like to sleep through all his problems till one day when he wakes up and feels like solving them all. I did question myself, "When should I wait until?"
I may have convey and shared my plans and everything to him. But, has he done the same? In truth, I am still clueless and in the dark. I may have known 70% of him, but I am still pondering about what does he really want from me and in life.
The truth is, this problem is only a small problem. But, since the accumulation through this 2 years it has profoundly became a bigger problem than it is supposed to. The end result, it has affected our communication.
I can feel that the gap between us is getting larger and larger day by day. His only excuse to me is that, he can't change in one night. Yes, I understand no one can change in one night. But, in order to start you have to take the first step and continues with it no matter what difficulties comes across your path. Sadly to say, I am not seeing this in him.
Furthermore, Dr ET made me understand that, for both to communicate well, we have to be excited to share fully 100% with each other, as wanting your partner to know everything about you. I am eager to share with him but I am not sure about him. He always tells me that all this while he has no one to talk to and now he is not use to it. I have to ask him questions in order for him to tell me. I now realized that, that is just an excuse. If he has the heart he could have just try and do it instead of giving me that excuse.
Another thing, I finally understand what Bakut and Dr ET meant by 2 paths becoming one. Yes, I very much agree to that statement. As being single now we both walk different paths. To think of the future, we have to share and compromise in order to cross to make a path and walk together. And now, he may only know of what I have a raft plan for the future. But, me asking him... I have never got a definite answer from him. I know it is too early to plan. But, still it is important for to have at least a basic plan in order for both sides to compromise.
At times I wonder n ponder upon, how can you achieve your goals and dreams if you do not plan for the future? Talking upon them will not make you succeed. Because you don't have a plan to work things out. If you were to plan and things does not work out your way, you would not lose anything but gain more than expected experience. I just wish he could understand this. I am very worried over him. His age is catching up, and I am very uncertain of what is his goals and plans. I feel that perhaps he himself is uncertain about it.
In fact I feel that, he believes 100% what his parents have to say and follows blindly without considering whether it is right or not. The most simple example is that his parents in front of me ask him to drink Pepsi. Cause that will heal his dry cough and clear off all his flam. In basic knowledge, it does not heal n get rid of the flam. In opposite way, it makes the cough worst and gives you more flam. I told that to my experience 83 year old grandmother, and guessed what, I grandmother laugh her ass off and commented the stupidest thing she has ever heard in her whole life. Speaking of non-cold coke with salt or 100 Plus she would agree as those can really help, BUT Pepsi??
If I were to ask Ina's father, a specialist doctor or any of my medical friends, I would be again superbly embarrassed. No wonder after 2 times consulting the doctor he never got cure from his cough. And I can guarantee that even he would to see a specialist or a 100 doctors he will never be cure for taking his parents words. Guess what Chicken said to me when I told her about this incident, "His parents dare to say that in front of you, knowing that you are so well educated and all that makes things worst?"
What can I say? It's not that I did not tell him off. He chose to believe his parents than me. Man... I maybe young and inexperience, that does not mean I am ignorant with the world. I believe that my family and the knowledge gain in these years of studies has equipped me well enough to face the real world. At this point, really for the first time I can identify that he is really a mother's boy. In other words, a frog in the well that only depends on his parents saying and no others. Not even the person that he professes love upon.
My doubts has been growing each time he tells me he loves or appreciates me. Cause I cannot feel them as the gap between us is getting bigger. I think it is my mistake for trying to hard to hold on to this relationship. I think it is also my mistake for loving him too much, till to outsiders thinks that he takes me as someone that serves him and not a partner and companion for himself. Maybe if I have the don't care attitude towards him, all this would not have happened. I guessed all these while my actions has pushed him away instead of getting closer to him.
Since, I have been thinking each and every hour lately, I have finally set a dateline. It's until end of March for both of us. If there is no improvement, I guess it's time to let go no matter how bad it's going to hurt. At least it will end both our misery and unhappiness being together. All I can do now, is pray that it works between us instead taking the hurtful way.
Had my farewell dinner with Dr ET and Bakut. I do understand that both of them are concerned over my well being and end up both of them could not hold back any longer to just sit silent and not doing anything.
Yes, they counsel me after dinner at Sushi King. Their questions kept me pondering about till today.
I do admit that all this while I am in the self-denial state of convincing myself that I love this man a lot and by doing my best this relationship will go on. But, I guess I am wrong. Even outsiders can see that there is only one hand clapping instead of two, and me trying so hard to hold on tight.
I have no idea when this man will wake up and start moving and changing things. As he has once told me, he would like to sleep through all his problems till one day when he wakes up and feels like solving them all. I did question myself, "When should I wait until?"
I may have convey and shared my plans and everything to him. But, has he done the same? In truth, I am still clueless and in the dark. I may have known 70% of him, but I am still pondering about what does he really want from me and in life.
The truth is, this problem is only a small problem. But, since the accumulation through this 2 years it has profoundly became a bigger problem than it is supposed to. The end result, it has affected our communication.
I can feel that the gap between us is getting larger and larger day by day. His only excuse to me is that, he can't change in one night. Yes, I understand no one can change in one night. But, in order to start you have to take the first step and continues with it no matter what difficulties comes across your path. Sadly to say, I am not seeing this in him.
Furthermore, Dr ET made me understand that, for both to communicate well, we have to be excited to share fully 100% with each other, as wanting your partner to know everything about you. I am eager to share with him but I am not sure about him. He always tells me that all this while he has no one to talk to and now he is not use to it. I have to ask him questions in order for him to tell me. I now realized that, that is just an excuse. If he has the heart he could have just try and do it instead of giving me that excuse.
Another thing, I finally understand what Bakut and Dr ET meant by 2 paths becoming one. Yes, I very much agree to that statement. As being single now we both walk different paths. To think of the future, we have to share and compromise in order to cross to make a path and walk together. And now, he may only know of what I have a raft plan for the future. But, me asking him... I have never got a definite answer from him. I know it is too early to plan. But, still it is important for to have at least a basic plan in order for both sides to compromise.
At times I wonder n ponder upon, how can you achieve your goals and dreams if you do not plan for the future? Talking upon them will not make you succeed. Because you don't have a plan to work things out. If you were to plan and things does not work out your way, you would not lose anything but gain more than expected experience. I just wish he could understand this. I am very worried over him. His age is catching up, and I am very uncertain of what is his goals and plans. I feel that perhaps he himself is uncertain about it.
In fact I feel that, he believes 100% what his parents have to say and follows blindly without considering whether it is right or not. The most simple example is that his parents in front of me ask him to drink Pepsi. Cause that will heal his dry cough and clear off all his flam. In basic knowledge, it does not heal n get rid of the flam. In opposite way, it makes the cough worst and gives you more flam. I told that to my experience 83 year old grandmother, and guessed what, I grandmother laugh her ass off and commented the stupidest thing she has ever heard in her whole life. Speaking of non-cold coke with salt or 100 Plus she would agree as those can really help, BUT Pepsi??
If I were to ask Ina's father, a specialist doctor or any of my medical friends, I would be again superbly embarrassed. No wonder after 2 times consulting the doctor he never got cure from his cough. And I can guarantee that even he would to see a specialist or a 100 doctors he will never be cure for taking his parents words. Guess what Chicken said to me when I told her about this incident, "His parents dare to say that in front of you, knowing that you are so well educated and all that makes things worst?"
What can I say? It's not that I did not tell him off. He chose to believe his parents than me. Man... I maybe young and inexperience, that does not mean I am ignorant with the world. I believe that my family and the knowledge gain in these years of studies has equipped me well enough to face the real world. At this point, really for the first time I can identify that he is really a mother's boy. In other words, a frog in the well that only depends on his parents saying and no others. Not even the person that he professes love upon.
My doubts has been growing each time he tells me he loves or appreciates me. Cause I cannot feel them as the gap between us is getting bigger. I think it is my mistake for trying to hard to hold on to this relationship. I think it is also my mistake for loving him too much, till to outsiders thinks that he takes me as someone that serves him and not a partner and companion for himself. Maybe if I have the don't care attitude towards him, all this would not have happened. I guessed all these while my actions has pushed him away instead of getting closer to him.
Since, I have been thinking each and every hour lately, I have finally set a dateline. It's until end of March for both of us. If there is no improvement, I guess it's time to let go no matter how bad it's going to hurt. At least it will end both our misery and unhappiness being together. All I can do now, is pray that it works between us instead taking the hurtful way.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
True Colours (Pt. 2)
As promise the Second part...
Haiz... the second day has arrived. What I was asked to was to take them for 'dim sum'. If you really want to eat real good 'dim sum' in Pg there is one in town and you have to go real early in the morning. BUT... No! Bunny's parents only wanted me to pick them up around 8.30am to about 9am. End up, we went some where near my uni for 'dim sum' since they insisted.
After that, as plan went up to Pg Hill. On the way down I was asking do they want to have lunch before they wan to go to Pg Turf Club? YES... Believe it or not, they requested me to send them to Turf Club. They are here not on visit but gamble. They said no lunch, when my stomach is rumbling. What more could I say, it was just few days back I got my first gastric.
At the end sending them to Turf Club. At the same time I was rather relief. At least no more the nagging of an unknown language. At the same time, I can meet up my coursemate to do my assignment.
End up picking his parents up at 6pm and then we went for dinner. Next I was asked is there any beer serve here. Again... I was like... not shocked... Just maybe speechless. Told his dad I am not sure and he has to ask the waitress to see. Then they wanted to go to Beach.
Took them to Bt Feringgi for the night market and his mum insisted that she wants to go to beach. Took them there though. We were like walking at the beach, and both of us like starting to get into our conversation, and after that.... walah.... his mother keep interrupting our conversation. It's so blardy annoying!!!
The next thing she told me was, "There is nothing at the beach here. Why want come to the beach and walk?"
I was like WTF!!! U insisted and now.... ***SPEECHLESS***
Then his father keep bugging me, where he can go drink. End up we are at Lab again. The usual spot that I always hang out with my group. After ordering, I told Bunny I want take a walk. He told me to wait for him and his mother was goes, "Why you want to go walk in the dark?" Erm....I was like aduh "To get away from her and have sometime of my own."
I will just skip some parts. The part that I really got annoyed was when we were driving back. His mother again non-stop her talk. Sort of illogical speeches she gives. Best part is..........
_________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: How much is your father's salary? He can support you all or not for working overseas?
Rin Rin: ***WTF*** (in heart) ***Ignores....***
Bunny: How can you ask that kind of question?!!
_________________________________________________________________________________
I was like super annoyed, and wondering "you want to know that so that when you don't have money and my parents will provide, is it?"
Gosh... what a woman. She not only talkative that talks non-stop but super extreme "KAYPO". This evidence will come more later.
On the last day, Dr ET was all alone in office since I was on leave and Bakut was on mc. So, I took Dr ET to lunch with us. After all we are eating somewhere near the office. The place I am taking them there is famous for dry jawa mee, chicken rice and also the chicken shop rice.
Told his mum about the nice jawa mee that she wanted to eat was here.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: I already tried that in Turf Club. Not nice. Too sweet and sour. All the jawa mee not nice.
___________________________________________________________________________________
-.- just because one is not nice she categorized all as not nice. Fine... they just sat there like king and queen ordering their son to buy food for them. Yes, I don't know how to speak hokkien but I do understand from here and there. Besides, Dr ET is with me and she's a hokkien. His mother was complaining to the father.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: This place is so small and hot. No other better place to take us to? No one also wants to come here and eat. So, few stalls. So, few choices to choose from.
***Crowd started to pour in till everyone has to stand***
Swiftly she changes her saying.
Bunny Mum: This place must be very famous. So, many people and no place to sit.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Well, the second most embarrassing scene happens here too. The tea lady serve us our drinks and Bunny's dad paid for it. He gave RM50. The tea lady was holding lose change of RM 1 n RM 5. She slowly calculating and returning the lose change first, and Bunny's mum shouted...
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: We just now gave you RM 50. Where is the rest of the change?!!
Tea lady: Wait, the money is in my pocket and I am calculating.
____________________________________________________________________________________
At that very moment, all other tables and passersby was staring at us. Indeed at that Bunny was not at the table as he was busy buying food for his parents. Gosh... Dr ET and me turned tomato red. I don't understand why the impatient. That tea lady is old so why can't let that poor lady slowly count?
Back into the car, suddenly they asked is there any tourist area in Bayan Lepas? I was like... "It's all factories here. The only place is Qb Mall." His mother was again complaining in hokkien.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: Finally, we are going back tonight. There is nothing here in Pg and no nice food to eat.
Dr ET: Pg here not much place to visit. You come Pg is to eat.
Bunny Mum: Nothing nice to eat in Pg also.
Dr ET: I though Rin Rin took you all to alot of nice places to eat?
Bunny Mum: Cannot eat alot la. Scared fat.
____________________________________________________________________________________
-.- Is that logical?
After I dropped Dr ET back at office. Bunny's mum started question Bunny in Hokkien about Dr ET. Does she has a bf? Where is her bf? What does he work as?
Bunny didn't translate anything to me. I can understand all that. So, does that prove her "KAYPO-ness" yet?
Nevermind, we shall skip to dinner. His mother was making noise since the day they arrived that she wants to eat KFC. Insisting that Sg KFC sucks. Took her to KFC, she insisted she only wanted 2 pieces of chicken wings. (Colonel Chicken Wingz were on promotion 5 pieces) Bunny ordered the snake plate of 2 pieces of chicken wingz for her. Back at the table... (in hokkien)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: Why the chicken so different? Is this not the promotion chicken wingz?
Bunny: I though you said you wanted 2 pieces? That's the only set with 2 pieces of chicken.
Bunny Mum: I wanted to the promotion chicken wingz on advertisement.
Bunny: That is 5 pieces of chicken. You said you only wanted 2.
***Silence***
Bunny Mum: *Eats* The chicken sucks. It's so dry. So small, not nice. I don't know why we are here eating KFC.
Bunny Dad: You are the one insisted to eat KFC since the first day so what are you complaining?
___________________________________________________________________________________
The whole conversation was in hokkien and I was left out. Cause to them I don't know how to speak means I don't know how to listen as well =D
Sorry to say so, I do understand here and there. I do appreciate the times they were concern about my unfinished assignment. But, I don't appreciate that his mother were quietly back stabbing me behind. Yes, it does not sound like a back stab. Then again, no one knows if she does that when I am not around, right?
This final part, it's kind of embarrassing. We are at KFC in Qb Mall, we had sometime before I was to send them to the bus station and I was continue doing my assignment at the next table. His dad is whistling as usual, the next thing u see is that, he put up his leg on the chair. Erm... I agree at times I do that when I am at home. But, that is in public. And I guess people around were shocked as well as I am. Cause people who passes our table will like really turn and look at our table at Bunny's fathers' direction. Again, Bunny was not at the scene as he was at the toilet.
Well, that's not the gross part. The grosses part is while we are eating. Again his dad ate like never eaten before and he really spit out the bones of the chicken as he likes. Best part, his parents tell Bunny that Pepsi can cure dry cough and they asked Bunny to drink more of it @.@
Can some one give me some advise about this? I wonder what life would be after marriage and staying with his parents as he wants that... =(
Haiz... the second day has arrived. What I was asked to was to take them for 'dim sum'. If you really want to eat real good 'dim sum' in Pg there is one in town and you have to go real early in the morning. BUT... No! Bunny's parents only wanted me to pick them up around 8.30am to about 9am. End up, we went some where near my uni for 'dim sum' since they insisted.
After that, as plan went up to Pg Hill. On the way down I was asking do they want to have lunch before they wan to go to Pg Turf Club? YES... Believe it or not, they requested me to send them to Turf Club. They are here not on visit but gamble. They said no lunch, when my stomach is rumbling. What more could I say, it was just few days back I got my first gastric.
At the end sending them to Turf Club. At the same time I was rather relief. At least no more the nagging of an unknown language. At the same time, I can meet up my coursemate to do my assignment.
End up picking his parents up at 6pm and then we went for dinner. Next I was asked is there any beer serve here. Again... I was like... not shocked... Just maybe speechless. Told his dad I am not sure and he has to ask the waitress to see. Then they wanted to go to Beach.
Took them to Bt Feringgi for the night market and his mum insisted that she wants to go to beach. Took them there though. We were like walking at the beach, and both of us like starting to get into our conversation, and after that.... walah.... his mother keep interrupting our conversation. It's so blardy annoying!!!
The next thing she told me was, "There is nothing at the beach here. Why want come to the beach and walk?"
I was like WTF!!! U insisted and now.... ***SPEECHLESS***
Then his father keep bugging me, where he can go drink. End up we are at Lab again. The usual spot that I always hang out with my group. After ordering, I told Bunny I want take a walk. He told me to wait for him and his mother was goes, "Why you want to go walk in the dark?" Erm....I was like aduh "To get away from her and have sometime of my own."
I will just skip some parts. The part that I really got annoyed was when we were driving back. His mother again non-stop her talk. Sort of illogical speeches she gives. Best part is..........
_________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: How much is your father's salary? He can support you all or not for working overseas?
Rin Rin: ***WTF*** (in heart) ***Ignores....***
Bunny: How can you ask that kind of question?!!
_________________________________________________________________________________
I was like super annoyed, and wondering "you want to know that so that when you don't have money and my parents will provide, is it?"
Gosh... what a woman. She not only talkative that talks non-stop but super extreme "KAYPO". This evidence will come more later.
On the last day, Dr ET was all alone in office since I was on leave and Bakut was on mc. So, I took Dr ET to lunch with us. After all we are eating somewhere near the office. The place I am taking them there is famous for dry jawa mee, chicken rice and also the chicken shop rice.
Told his mum about the nice jawa mee that she wanted to eat was here.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: I already tried that in Turf Club. Not nice. Too sweet and sour. All the jawa mee not nice.
___________________________________________________________________________________
-.- just because one is not nice she categorized all as not nice. Fine... they just sat there like king and queen ordering their son to buy food for them. Yes, I don't know how to speak hokkien but I do understand from here and there. Besides, Dr ET is with me and she's a hokkien. His mother was complaining to the father.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: This place is so small and hot. No other better place to take us to? No one also wants to come here and eat. So, few stalls. So, few choices to choose from.
***Crowd started to pour in till everyone has to stand***
Swiftly she changes her saying.
Bunny Mum: This place must be very famous. So, many people and no place to sit.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Well, the second most embarrassing scene happens here too. The tea lady serve us our drinks and Bunny's dad paid for it. He gave RM50. The tea lady was holding lose change of RM 1 n RM 5. She slowly calculating and returning the lose change first, and Bunny's mum shouted...
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: We just now gave you RM 50. Where is the rest of the change?!!
Tea lady: Wait, the money is in my pocket and I am calculating.
____________________________________________________________________________________
At that very moment, all other tables and passersby was staring at us. Indeed at that Bunny was not at the table as he was busy buying food for his parents. Gosh... Dr ET and me turned tomato red. I don't understand why the impatient. That tea lady is old so why can't let that poor lady slowly count?
Back into the car, suddenly they asked is there any tourist area in Bayan Lepas? I was like... "It's all factories here. The only place is Qb Mall." His mother was again complaining in hokkien.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: Finally, we are going back tonight. There is nothing here in Pg and no nice food to eat.
Dr ET: Pg here not much place to visit. You come Pg is to eat.
Bunny Mum: Nothing nice to eat in Pg also.
Dr ET: I though Rin Rin took you all to alot of nice places to eat?
Bunny Mum: Cannot eat alot la. Scared fat.
____________________________________________________________________________________
-.- Is that logical?
After I dropped Dr ET back at office. Bunny's mum started question Bunny in Hokkien about Dr ET. Does she has a bf? Where is her bf? What does he work as?
Bunny didn't translate anything to me. I can understand all that. So, does that prove her "KAYPO-ness" yet?
Nevermind, we shall skip to dinner. His mother was making noise since the day they arrived that she wants to eat KFC. Insisting that Sg KFC sucks. Took her to KFC, she insisted she only wanted 2 pieces of chicken wings. (Colonel Chicken Wingz were on promotion 5 pieces) Bunny ordered the snake plate of 2 pieces of chicken wingz for her. Back at the table... (in hokkien)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Bunny Mum: Why the chicken so different? Is this not the promotion chicken wingz?
Bunny: I though you said you wanted 2 pieces? That's the only set with 2 pieces of chicken.
Bunny Mum: I wanted to the promotion chicken wingz on advertisement.
Bunny: That is 5 pieces of chicken. You said you only wanted 2.
***Silence***
Bunny Mum: *Eats* The chicken sucks. It's so dry. So small, not nice. I don't know why we are here eating KFC.
Bunny Dad: You are the one insisted to eat KFC since the first day so what are you complaining?
___________________________________________________________________________________
The whole conversation was in hokkien and I was left out. Cause to them I don't know how to speak means I don't know how to listen as well =D
Sorry to say so, I do understand here and there. I do appreciate the times they were concern about my unfinished assignment. But, I don't appreciate that his mother were quietly back stabbing me behind. Yes, it does not sound like a back stab. Then again, no one knows if she does that when I am not around, right?
This final part, it's kind of embarrassing. We are at KFC in Qb Mall, we had sometime before I was to send them to the bus station and I was continue doing my assignment at the next table. His dad is whistling as usual, the next thing u see is that, he put up his leg on the chair. Erm... I agree at times I do that when I am at home. But, that is in public. And I guess people around were shocked as well as I am. Cause people who passes our table will like really turn and look at our table at Bunny's fathers' direction. Again, Bunny was not at the scene as he was at the toilet.
Well, that's not the gross part. The grosses part is while we are eating. Again his dad ate like never eaten before and he really spit out the bones of the chicken as he likes. Best part, his parents tell Bunny that Pepsi can cure dry cough and they asked Bunny to drink more of it @.@
Can some one give me some advise about this? I wonder what life would be after marriage and staying with his parents as he wants that... =(
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
True Colours (Pt. 1)
During the first 3 meetings, everything was fine. It's not that you don't have bonding with his parents. I do, u know? We met, we talk, we went out together, we had lunch and dinner together, I even cooked a meal for the family.
It just didn't show. Everything seems so normal (I won't use perfect, cause no one is perfect). Till the weekend.....
Here it started...
Bunny was coming to Pg to visit me at the same time for the first time we are celebrating V-day together. Well, I am excited about it, after all I have never celebrated it with a partner before. Most of the previous V-day, I am all alone or celebrated with friends. But, the thing is... I am not very happy about it. He is bringing his parents. Yeah, we are to celebrate together with his parents and to have dinner together.
I can't blame Bunny much too. The last I was at his place, his mum was insisting that the next trip he is to visit me, they are tagging along.....
I thought everything would be fine....
The morning after I picked them up, his parents insisted to sleep in my rented room as they were tired and at 3pm only they can check-in at the hotel.
Gosh....can't they wait till they check-in the hotel?? I was shocked... Speechless... But understanding they are old... In fact much younger than my parents, I just allowed them to sleep in my room for like 2 hours. And since my room was so small, me and Bunny had to sit in the living room.
Next, when they woke up the first question they asked me was, "Can you take me to buy Toto, 4-D, Magnum?"
I am SHOCKED!!! I have no idea where to buy them. I HATED GAMBLING and I HATE GAMBLERS!!! Yes, I know Bunny's dad like to gamble, but never would I have thought that he came all the way here to gamble.
FINE!! I called Dr ET and Bakut and asked about it. Then took them for breakfast. His mum was insisting to eat Mee Jawa. I told her I will take her to eat nice one later. Then insisted to go to Pg Hill.
-.- we are suppose to go in the morning not in mid-noon at 12pm... I told her that. Fine, that settle things. I was still fine though...
Dinner time... GENG!!!
When I reach the hotel to pick his parents up, OMG... The way his dad dress is like some Ah Beng. Well...nvm... we continue our journey to our little place of a nice V-day dinner. His parents were sitter the table in front of us, he helped his parents to order since they don't know how to read English.
You know the couple next to out table is really very young. They are like about 18 or 19. Whole night they were just staring at us. Why? This is what happens... To say so.... His mother is super talkative. She can talk for 2 hours non-stop. Yeah...soon i got really irritated about it.
Back to the story, she was talking so loud in the restaurant. And the best part is that she was talking to Bunny and his dad. **Please imagine, our tables are front and back** It totally ruin the ambiance of that night and since I was sitting face out, everyone was looking at our table. The second most embarrassing thing is that, his dad ate like he has not eaten in 30 years. Whole night, I only have my eyes on the table and food not wanting to look up. Cause mind you... all eyes was on our two tables, and at that very moment... I sort of imagine what would it like to be if his parents and my parents sat at one table... @@
Well.....no matter what happened, I just had to put up a happy face and pretended nothing had happened. And I even had to lie to him I enjoyed the dinner and everything.
All I can say is that, that's the worst ever dinner and V-day I have ever got. I rather celebrate it alone or with my friends to go through such a horrible evening ever again in my life.
To be continued......
It just didn't show. Everything seems so normal (I won't use perfect, cause no one is perfect). Till the weekend.....
Here it started...
Bunny was coming to Pg to visit me at the same time for the first time we are celebrating V-day together. Well, I am excited about it, after all I have never celebrated it with a partner before. Most of the previous V-day, I am all alone or celebrated with friends. But, the thing is... I am not very happy about it. He is bringing his parents. Yeah, we are to celebrate together with his parents and to have dinner together.
I can't blame Bunny much too. The last I was at his place, his mum was insisting that the next trip he is to visit me, they are tagging along.....
I thought everything would be fine....
The morning after I picked them up, his parents insisted to sleep in my rented room as they were tired and at 3pm only they can check-in at the hotel.
Gosh....can't they wait till they check-in the hotel?? I was shocked... Speechless... But understanding they are old... In fact much younger than my parents, I just allowed them to sleep in my room for like 2 hours. And since my room was so small, me and Bunny had to sit in the living room.
Next, when they woke up the first question they asked me was, "Can you take me to buy Toto, 4-D, Magnum?"
I am SHOCKED!!! I have no idea where to buy them. I HATED GAMBLING and I HATE GAMBLERS!!! Yes, I know Bunny's dad like to gamble, but never would I have thought that he came all the way here to gamble.
FINE!! I called Dr ET and Bakut and asked about it. Then took them for breakfast. His mum was insisting to eat Mee Jawa. I told her I will take her to eat nice one later. Then insisted to go to Pg Hill.
-.- we are suppose to go in the morning not in mid-noon at 12pm... I told her that. Fine, that settle things. I was still fine though...
Dinner time... GENG!!!
When I reach the hotel to pick his parents up, OMG... The way his dad dress is like some Ah Beng. Well...nvm... we continue our journey to our little place of a nice V-day dinner. His parents were sitter the table in front of us, he helped his parents to order since they don't know how to read English.
You know the couple next to out table is really very young. They are like about 18 or 19. Whole night they were just staring at us. Why? This is what happens... To say so.... His mother is super talkative. She can talk for 2 hours non-stop. Yeah...soon i got really irritated about it.
Back to the story, she was talking so loud in the restaurant. And the best part is that she was talking to Bunny and his dad. **Please imagine, our tables are front and back** It totally ruin the ambiance of that night and since I was sitting face out, everyone was looking at our table. The second most embarrassing thing is that, his dad ate like he has not eaten in 30 years. Whole night, I only have my eyes on the table and food not wanting to look up. Cause mind you... all eyes was on our two tables, and at that very moment... I sort of imagine what would it like to be if his parents and my parents sat at one table... @@
Well.....no matter what happened, I just had to put up a happy face and pretended nothing had happened. And I even had to lie to him I enjoyed the dinner and everything.
All I can say is that, that's the worst ever dinner and V-day I have ever got. I rather celebrate it alone or with my friends to go through such a horrible evening ever again in my life.
To be continued......
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
What?? An Accident!!!
Things really got out of hand. I was just enjoying the view of my new lappy that I got last Friday night. Was too looking for a fruitful enjoyable weekend.
End Up???
Sad....
Exhausting.....
Terrified.......
Traumatized..........
It was really a tiring weekend with the traveling. While both my good passengers sitting next to me and behind me had their naps while I was driving back to Ipoh. It was a tiring drive though.
Got home, picked up my granny and took her out for shopping. As for at night dinner, dinner and hang out with the girls. -.- only managed to sleep, hmmmm.... let's say 4 am or maybe earlier.
Woke up at 7am. Out for breakfast. Hunting for "dim sum" hehehehe.... Then some window shopping with my housemate and bf. Tiring and disappointing. My mum, my bf and I were totally just following my housemate walking around a shopping complex maybe say half the size of Queensbay Mall in Penang for 4 hours.
She went in shop by shop to look at clothes and only close to the end of the 4 hours she manage to buy a blouse. Sigh.... tiring you know... and later at 6.30pm have family dinner... Gosh...!
Let's get back to shopping then...
Mum was in the shop with her... mum said she was staring at a blouse for 5 minutes blankly dunno what to do. Talking about my she housemate, my first impression on her was... she has a bit of a mental prob. And everyday she comes home complaining about her job and her boss. YES!!! Even you are busy in your room trying your very best to finish your work, she will be standing at your door complaining about her boss even she knows you are busy...
Ok... let's turn back to shopping.....
She knew that all 3 of us were waiting for her alone. Yet, she still proceed with her choosing and staring blankly at blouses. 30 minutes later, she finally bought a black blouse. And...and......and......... me half dead.... HAIZ........
Dinner was ok... But due to my lack of sleep... my monster temper is out... Yeah... and the poor guy who had to suffer was my bf. ***sorry dear*** :P Then partly your fault too for making me more angry for the night.
Then goes on to the day of traveling back to Penang. Yikes... rain stop rain... then heavy rain stop sudden heavy rain......
Just not long right after the Taiping - Kamunting exit, there was an accident in front. So, all cars stop... And I was the lucky one to be the last car to stop... Had my hand brakes up and I was still stepping on my brakes... (raining man, Scared the back fellow can't see)
WAHLAU EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????????????
I just stopped my car for like 5 seconds and *BANG!!!!!!!!* ...
My heart... dropped out... and I blurted blankly without noticing, "Sei lo, tis time" (Die tis time)
Got down of the car and went to have a look at the back of my car... DAMN...!!! Car back door finish...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bunny: Dear... come up front here (pointing at the car bumper)
*me walk to the front*
Rin Rin: OMG!!! WTF...!!! WTH.....!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My front bumper was badly damage as well to the extend that I can open the car bonnet. But, Thank God my bonnet has no damage.
Haiz... the impact was so great that my car was push forward even with brakes on hit the front car. But, thank God again, front car no damage. Ended up at police station for almost 3 hours to get the report done and by the time we got home in Penang, it was already 10++pm.
Am super burnt out... I slept the instance my head hits the pillow =D
(Bunny refers to my BF) :p
End Up???
Sad....
Exhausting.....
Terrified.......
Traumatized..........
It was really a tiring weekend with the traveling. While both my good passengers sitting next to me and behind me had their naps while I was driving back to Ipoh. It was a tiring drive though.
Got home, picked up my granny and took her out for shopping. As for at night dinner, dinner and hang out with the girls. -.- only managed to sleep, hmmmm.... let's say 4 am or maybe earlier.
Woke up at 7am. Out for breakfast. Hunting for "dim sum" hehehehe.... Then some window shopping with my housemate and bf. Tiring and disappointing. My mum, my bf and I were totally just following my housemate walking around a shopping complex maybe say half the size of Queensbay Mall in Penang for 4 hours.
She went in shop by shop to look at clothes and only close to the end of the 4 hours she manage to buy a blouse. Sigh.... tiring you know... and later at 6.30pm have family dinner... Gosh...!
Let's get back to shopping then...
Mum was in the shop with her... mum said she was staring at a blouse for 5 minutes blankly dunno what to do. Talking about my she housemate, my first impression on her was... she has a bit of a mental prob. And everyday she comes home complaining about her job and her boss. YES!!! Even you are busy in your room trying your very best to finish your work, she will be standing at your door complaining about her boss even she knows you are busy...
Ok... let's turn back to shopping.....
She knew that all 3 of us were waiting for her alone. Yet, she still proceed with her choosing and staring blankly at blouses. 30 minutes later, she finally bought a black blouse. And...and......and......... me half dead.... HAIZ........
Dinner was ok... But due to my lack of sleep... my monster temper is out... Yeah... and the poor guy who had to suffer was my bf. ***sorry dear*** :P Then partly your fault too for making me more angry for the night.
Then goes on to the day of traveling back to Penang. Yikes... rain stop rain... then heavy rain stop sudden heavy rain......
Just not long right after the Taiping - Kamunting exit, there was an accident in front. So, all cars stop... And I was the lucky one to be the last car to stop... Had my hand brakes up and I was still stepping on my brakes... (raining man, Scared the back fellow can't see)
WAHLAU EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????????????
I just stopped my car for like 5 seconds and *BANG!!!!!!!!* ...
My heart... dropped out... and I blurted blankly without noticing, "Sei lo, tis time" (Die tis time)
Got down of the car and went to have a look at the back of my car... DAMN...!!! Car back door finish...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bunny: Dear... come up front here (pointing at the car bumper)
*me walk to the front*
Rin Rin: OMG!!! WTF...!!! WTH.....!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My front bumper was badly damage as well to the extend that I can open the car bonnet. But, Thank God my bonnet has no damage.
Haiz... the impact was so great that my car was push forward even with brakes on hit the front car. But, thank God again, front car no damage. Ended up at police station for almost 3 hours to get the report done and by the time we got home in Penang, it was already 10++pm.
Am super burnt out... I slept the instance my head hits the pillow =D
(Bunny refers to my BF) :p
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Finally.... PC Fair...
Heh...heh...heh.... finally Dec...
Then again I can't wait for my holidays to start on 24 December... Tomorrow someone's gonna be here.
Not only that... PC FAIR 2008 too... I hope there are going to be Xmas promotions. Need to get a new laptop of mine. ^.^ hopes to get a good price out of it.
Then again I can't wait for my holidays to start on 24 December... Tomorrow someone's gonna be here.
Not only that... PC FAIR 2008 too... I hope there are going to be Xmas promotions. Need to get a new laptop of mine. ^.^ hopes to get a good price out of it.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Waiting...
This waiting is killing me. I really can't wait to get out of here...
Hello....!!! Mind you that I am already trying my best to apply for jobs and waiting for phone calls. Why the economy have to be down at this moment. Haiz.....
All in all I am not giving up on applying for more jobs. Then again... I feel that this bird cage is getting from worst to worsen. More and more stupid implementation without further consideration has been implemented. Not to mention, I can't wait to finish all my report. But, it seems that its never ending.
Then again, I can't wait for December for my long holidays..... Weeeee......... I am off to Singapore again.
Talking about traveling, I didn't get to travel much this year. Just got on by my Singapore trip in September. Probably I will travel more on the following year *****Prays hard that my pocket permits my travel allowances*****
(And I Envies Ling for traveling so much right after graduation @.@)
Hello....!!! Mind you that I am already trying my best to apply for jobs and waiting for phone calls. Why the economy have to be down at this moment. Haiz.....
All in all I am not giving up on applying for more jobs. Then again... I feel that this bird cage is getting from worst to worsen. More and more stupid implementation without further consideration has been implemented. Not to mention, I can't wait to finish all my report. But, it seems that its never ending.
Then again, I can't wait for December for my long holidays..... Weeeee......... I am off to Singapore again.
Talking about traveling, I didn't get to travel much this year. Just got on by my Singapore trip in September. Probably I will travel more on the following year *****Prays hard that my pocket permits my travel allowances*****
(And I Envies Ling for traveling so much right after graduation @.@)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Mum's Day
HEh..heh..heh.... I am dead tired from the traveling and long distance driving. But, whatever it is, we made our surprise good for mum. Told her we weren't going to be home for her bday this year. But, anyhow we plan things out and we really shocked her. many thanks to the interview I had to attend yesterday. Travel all the way down to KL right after work on Thursday. Did a good planning and picked up my bro and his gf after my interview and straight shoot home.
Hehehe... My mum called when we were on the way. Told her I was meeting my bro at KLCC. End up she got a shocked when she saw us home.
No matter what, I had a great interview yesterday. And really praying hard that I will get it. In fact, I pretty like the environment of the office. At least I hear people talking and also phones ringing. Unlike the current place I working at.
Haiz... what can I say... I am working in a bird cage that does not allow people to talk to your colleagues. Oh... GOD please help me.............. T.T
Hehehe... My mum called when we were on the way. Told her I was meeting my bro at KLCC. End up she got a shocked when she saw us home.
No matter what, I had a great interview yesterday. And really praying hard that I will get it. In fact, I pretty like the environment of the office. At least I hear people talking and also phones ringing. Unlike the current place I working at.
Haiz... what can I say... I am working in a bird cage that does not allow people to talk to your colleagues. Oh... GOD please help me.............. T.T
Saturday, November 1, 2008
November
It's already November. Time flies, and Monday is my Finals. Well, I am still preparing for it. In fact, I don't really remembered what I have studied the past few nights. Think cause of being so drained from work and home with dry up brains, I couldn't really manage to get anything from my studies into my brains. It will just have to be today and tomorrow to finish up everything.
Thinking of November... it is going to be December soon and then to Jan 2009. Times really flies. I have not even fully enjoy this 2008 year and it's already end of the year. In fact, I am rather unusual what has been going on around this year. Times flies so fast that everything just pass by as a blurry shadow. And I truly miss those times back in Uni with my course mates. Those 3 years, I truly enjoyed to the fullest.
Now, I really have to look forward and start planning on what I should do and achieve next year. Grrrrrrr..... must really achieve all my goals for next year... :P
Thinking of November... it is going to be December soon and then to Jan 2009. Times really flies. I have not even fully enjoy this 2008 year and it's already end of the year. In fact, I am rather unusual what has been going on around this year. Times flies so fast that everything just pass by as a blurry shadow. And I truly miss those times back in Uni with my course mates. Those 3 years, I truly enjoyed to the fullest.
Now, I really have to look forward and start planning on what I should do and achieve next year. Grrrrrrr..... must really achieve all my goals for next year... :P
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Finally all done...
Finally, all the assignment, proposal and project has been done and submitted. Tomrrow onwards have to start to go back in worrying about my work again...
Sigh...I still have lots of work to do on since, am having four cases stagging up like moutain. Am not going to take home and do during the weekend. Will just have to go in early and stay back late again for next week to finish up my work for the next of whole week.
Well, finals coming up as well on the 3rd of Nov. Not looking forward for it and at the same time really hope I will get it done as soon as possible. What an irony about it. I don't even know I will get enough time to study for all the chapters or not. -.-
Sigh...I still have lots of work to do on since, am having four cases stagging up like moutain. Am not going to take home and do during the weekend. Will just have to go in early and stay back late again for next week to finish up my work for the next of whole week.
Well, finals coming up as well on the 3rd of Nov. Not looking forward for it and at the same time really hope I will get it done as soon as possible. What an irony about it. I don't even know I will get enough time to study for all the chapters or not. -.-
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Argggggg.....Project and assignment...
Hm....another 1 more project and also an assignment to finish. Not very happy about it as no idea on what to do for my assignment since ALL ideas were kept being rejected by my good lecturer.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Hanging Around...
I am suppose to have drove back to Penang today. God's knows why, I didn't. Even applied for leave for tomorrow. Perhaps things just happens this way.
When dinner with mum, bro and Ee Mun. Seriously, I don't expect to see anyone, especially my old schoolmates. First off would be Fong May, I seriously did not expect to see her after so long. It's like counting back, the last I saw her was when we were Form 5. Yeah, I still remember those times that we attend tuition together. And today, I seriously didn't see her if she didn't call me. Next thing I know she is also in Penang. Well, I guess after all not only me and Saras in Penang for the Convent girls of my batch.
Next off, I don't expect to see Tony as well. It's been like since Upper 6, that's like the last I saw him. I still remember last time when he fetch me to church and back home and we were in the same school for Form 6. Well... I also got to know that he is now working somewhere in Butterworth. Haha...not bad another person I know is working in Penang. Yeah... I hope to meet him up to sometimes when he comes over to the island.
Next off, would be Jia Vei. I seriously didn't see her in Tesco until she called me. Then the news of her friend's car was stolen when they were having dinner at Wooly, Ipoh Garden. Well...lucky her that her course is a 4 years course. I so wanna go back to full time studying. She is envious of me graduating and working now. But, seriously I think she won't be glad if she were to be in my shoes now. I really wish that I can go back to full time studying and not give a damn to the stupid working world.
This trip back is a really fruitful trip. Yet, I a very tiring trip. It's like I suppose to be back for holidays, but end up still no holiday and I still have lots to do here back at home. I also got to meet up with Joanne. It's been like one and half years I have not seen her. She has grown fatter and looks better. She is also much mature compare to last time.
I guess all of us has grown out of everything we were looking back at last time. All of us now seem to have our own path waiting for us to journey down that way. Sometimes thinking back, I really don't know, whether I took the right path or the wrong one. Or perhaps I have been to greedy for trying to kill two birds with a stone. I just hope things will turn out well at the end of it. If not, I guess I will have to sacrifice either my work or my studies. Whatever happens... CHEERS to out future and our journey towards it. Then again, all of us have grown up well and walking all sorts of different paths. Some of us being envious over others path. Some contented and some disappointed and hoping for the best. As for me, I don't know what am I actually feeling. In fact I feel a bit of all the feelings that were mention.
When dinner with mum, bro and Ee Mun. Seriously, I don't expect to see anyone, especially my old schoolmates. First off would be Fong May, I seriously did not expect to see her after so long. It's like counting back, the last I saw her was when we were Form 5. Yeah, I still remember those times that we attend tuition together. And today, I seriously didn't see her if she didn't call me. Next thing I know she is also in Penang. Well, I guess after all not only me and Saras in Penang for the Convent girls of my batch.
Next off, I don't expect to see Tony as well. It's been like since Upper 6, that's like the last I saw him. I still remember last time when he fetch me to church and back home and we were in the same school for Form 6. Well... I also got to know that he is now working somewhere in Butterworth. Haha...not bad another person I know is working in Penang. Yeah... I hope to meet him up to sometimes when he comes over to the island.
Next off, would be Jia Vei. I seriously didn't see her in Tesco until she called me. Then the news of her friend's car was stolen when they were having dinner at Wooly, Ipoh Garden. Well...lucky her that her course is a 4 years course. I so wanna go back to full time studying. She is envious of me graduating and working now. But, seriously I think she won't be glad if she were to be in my shoes now. I really wish that I can go back to full time studying and not give a damn to the stupid working world.
This trip back is a really fruitful trip. Yet, I a very tiring trip. It's like I suppose to be back for holidays, but end up still no holiday and I still have lots to do here back at home. I also got to meet up with Joanne. It's been like one and half years I have not seen her. She has grown fatter and looks better. She is also much mature compare to last time.
I guess all of us has grown out of everything we were looking back at last time. All of us now seem to have our own path waiting for us to journey down that way. Sometimes thinking back, I really don't know, whether I took the right path or the wrong one. Or perhaps I have been to greedy for trying to kill two birds with a stone. I just hope things will turn out well at the end of it. If not, I guess I will have to sacrifice either my work or my studies. Whatever happens... CHEERS to out future and our journey towards it. Then again, all of us have grown up well and walking all sorts of different paths. Some of us being envious over others path. Some contented and some disappointed and hoping for the best. As for me, I don't know what am I actually feeling. In fact I feel a bit of all the feelings that were mention.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
On 2 days leave = no leave
Well...I am glad that I am home again. At least a place that I don't feel so stress up. Then again, even I am on leave on both Monday and Tuesday, it's still same as no leave.
Gotta take my work home to do and also got my proposal, project and assignment to finish up. -.-""
So, what's the use of being on leave?
Gotta take my work home to do and also got my proposal, project and assignment to finish up. -.-""
So, what's the use of being on leave?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Another Working Weekend...
Well...it's another busy working weekend. Everyone looks forward for a weekend to rest and enjoy what they wish to do. Well... sorry to say, "NO!!! I don't enjoy my weekend! And YES I am working at home again!!!"
This is life. Everyone enjoys their first or second month of work. When it comes to the third or the fourth month, you see them dying or drying up. Prefer to say witter to death.
I am so not myself. My social life is dead now. Not only that, I am slacking on my studies. I am way behind from where I should. Now I am having a real difficult time to catch up. I just wish my work load will subside soon..... Or else you can just kill me with it.
@@... talking about my studies..... I still havent started my proposal and project work yet for my studies... Dang... after Raya have to hand in adi... And everyday I am still busy with my work..... grrrrrrrrrr........
This is life. Everyone enjoys their first or second month of work. When it comes to the third or the fourth month, you see them dying or drying up. Prefer to say witter to death.
I am so not myself. My social life is dead now. Not only that, I am slacking on my studies. I am way behind from where I should. Now I am having a real difficult time to catch up. I just wish my work load will subside soon..... Or else you can just kill me with it.
@@... talking about my studies..... I still havent started my proposal and project work yet for my studies... Dang... after Raya have to hand in adi... And everyday I am still busy with my work..... grrrrrrrrrr........
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Still in Depression
Being home is still being in Penang. At least now I feel better when I am home. But, thinking of tomorrow going back to Penang, ticks me off again. I am really trying my best to control my emotions. But, I keep failing. I told my mum I really don't want to go back to Pg tomorrow. I really hate the fact that I have to go back tomorrow. I hate the fact even more that the next round I am to return home was during Raya that week. Thinking back, coming home is really a relief for me from all the hazard and buzzer. It's been a month since I last came home, and the last I came home was together with Lex after my convo. That week was the most busy week ever. But, during the busyness I really enjoyed all of it and was very happy as well.
I wished that happiness would have last instead all the ugliness of things. YES!!! I really screwed up my report as I predicted. And YES... I was called in by both my manager and also backup supervisor. SHIT... now I really don't know how to face my own supervisor next month when she comes back. Whatever happens, everything is over. I should be relief that I was only call in to explain myself and to let them know was I too stressed in coping with two big reports at one go. Well...it's settled though.
But, something is still amiss. I don't know what exactly it is. One thing I do still know is that, I am still physically, mentally and emotionally down. I just wish that weekends are longer. At least I can rest more at home and clear off some of things that I need to other than work.
Seriously, I rather stay home in Ipoh to take care of my grandma in nursing home or take my other grandma out and be home with my mum. I feel if, I work in Ipoh also it wouldn't be this bad. At least I know there are people waiting for me at home after a long day of work. I am also human. I also need to socialize. I also need someone to be with. I may look strong, but I am not really what others think of me as. All I just wish is that someone close to be to be with me to comfort me when I am down. Instead of me battling this battle all on my own. I too have a certain limit in taking on things which I think I already have to much on hand that I can't handle it anymore. All in all I only can pray to GOD to bless this daughter of yours with strength to go on.
I wished that happiness would have last instead all the ugliness of things. YES!!! I really screwed up my report as I predicted. And YES... I was called in by both my manager and also backup supervisor. SHIT... now I really don't know how to face my own supervisor next month when she comes back. Whatever happens, everything is over. I should be relief that I was only call in to explain myself and to let them know was I too stressed in coping with two big reports at one go. Well...it's settled though.
But, something is still amiss. I don't know what exactly it is. One thing I do still know is that, I am still physically, mentally and emotionally down. I just wish that weekends are longer. At least I can rest more at home and clear off some of things that I need to other than work.
Seriously, I rather stay home in Ipoh to take care of my grandma in nursing home or take my other grandma out and be home with my mum. I feel if, I work in Ipoh also it wouldn't be this bad. At least I know there are people waiting for me at home after a long day of work. I am also human. I also need to socialize. I also need someone to be with. I may look strong, but I am not really what others think of me as. All I just wish is that someone close to be to be with me to comfort me when I am down. Instead of me battling this battle all on my own. I too have a certain limit in taking on things which I think I already have to much on hand that I can't handle it anymore. All in all I only can pray to GOD to bless this daughter of yours with strength to go on.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Depression + Stress....
I am very extremely depress + stress + pressured... I have tons of work load. And the report that I am on is huge. I can't even finish the searches even in four days. And tomorrow is the deadline for it. DAmn.....
Some more yesterday have to shift in the rain. As is was raining the whole day. And in the evening I have nothing to cook that I do not have any idea to what to eat. Well, lucky that my new housemate was having the same problem and both of us end up going out to eat. Lucky that my car was parked in front of our unit. If not I have no idea how are we going to get to the car. Besides, there were also floods all around.
Damn....I am still doing my work now. I really have a feeling that I am going to miss out important infos in my report. Shit.....!! I know that is going to happen. Damn....I just have that BLOODY FEELING of it...
Anyhow, I have been crying all week and feeling super down. It's either of my aunty or I am really to stress out with the bloody report. And my second report due on Tuesday, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON IT....!!!!!
Each time I think of home I will start crying. I really want to go home. I know I am running away from all my problems. But, I really want to take a break. I really regret a lot that I didn't take a long break before starting to work and also starting my studies. I feel so tired now. I really want to take a long break now. Not only that, when I think of Lex, I missed him so damn much. And I will start to think, why didn't I go to him after I graduated? If I have gone to him, at least I won't feel this lonely. Or perhaps, why did I continue with my Masters? If working back in Ipoh also it would not be as bad as now in Penang. At least here I have my family and also my friends. At least I don't have to struggle so much in Penang being so lonely and facing up so many things at the moment.
I really want to go home. I am DAMN BLOODY HOMESICK...
Some more yesterday have to shift in the rain. As is was raining the whole day. And in the evening I have nothing to cook that I do not have any idea to what to eat. Well, lucky that my new housemate was having the same problem and both of us end up going out to eat. Lucky that my car was parked in front of our unit. If not I have no idea how are we going to get to the car. Besides, there were also floods all around.
Damn....I am still doing my work now. I really have a feeling that I am going to miss out important infos in my report. Shit.....!! I know that is going to happen. Damn....I just have that BLOODY FEELING of it...
Anyhow, I have been crying all week and feeling super down. It's either of my aunty or I am really to stress out with the bloody report. And my second report due on Tuesday, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON IT....!!!!!
Each time I think of home I will start crying. I really want to go home. I know I am running away from all my problems. But, I really want to take a break. I really regret a lot that I didn't take a long break before starting to work and also starting my studies. I feel so tired now. I really want to take a long break now. Not only that, when I think of Lex, I missed him so damn much. And I will start to think, why didn't I go to him after I graduated? If I have gone to him, at least I won't feel this lonely. Or perhaps, why did I continue with my Masters? If working back in Ipoh also it would not be as bad as now in Penang. At least here I have my family and also my friends. At least I don't have to struggle so much in Penang being so lonely and facing up so many things at the moment.
I really want to go home. I am DAMN BLOODY HOMESICK...
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The start of Loneliness...
Finally, I am back from Singapore. First thing when arrive is to go back to office. Work...work…and work…. I just feel so much pressure from all the work. Then I have class again at night.
Things are just not right. I don’t know why. But I feel very down. It feels….. I don’t know how to explain it. But, I don’t like the feeling. I am starting to miss him a lot. Whenever I think of him I really want to cry.
I feeling much stress and depress at the same time. I don’t know why as well. Maybe I am getting a lot of work load from work and also the pressure and stress is there. I have two cases for this week and two big ones for next week. What more… I have exam this week as well. I really don’t know how to cope anymore. I have so many things and I really want to clear them off as soon as possible and yet I can’t get it done. I feel like 24 hours a day is really not enough. What more I am also very tired each time when I am back from work. Every time I am back from work, after I bath, I really want to sleep. But, I can never do that as I still have so much of my own things to settle. First, will be my studies, and secondly will be about my personal life.
Till today, I have still not started my proposal and also project. I really don’t know when I will start it and when only I will have the time to read up all the materials that I am suppose to. My memory is also a big problem. I am beginning to have really bad memory. I keep forgetting this and that, and making tons of mistakes in my report. Well, even though they are not big mistakes, but there are careless mistakes. Sometimes, it just makes me feel so useless and makes me start thinking that, “Am I suitable for this job or not?”
At the same time, I feel very lonely here. Especially, after coming back from Sg makes me feel the loneliness even more then ever. I missed all my coursemates that I always hand out with. I miss those times that all of us go eat and window shopping together and how we spent so much time in Niichi in Queensbay. Shit….!!! I really miss all of them a lot, and HATE the fact that I am here all alone!!!!!!!!!!!
Things are just not right. I don’t know why. But I feel very down. It feels….. I don’t know how to explain it. But, I don’t like the feeling. I am starting to miss him a lot. Whenever I think of him I really want to cry.
I feeling much stress and depress at the same time. I don’t know why as well. Maybe I am getting a lot of work load from work and also the pressure and stress is there. I have two cases for this week and two big ones for next week. What more… I have exam this week as well. I really don’t know how to cope anymore. I have so many things and I really want to clear them off as soon as possible and yet I can’t get it done. I feel like 24 hours a day is really not enough. What more I am also very tired each time when I am back from work. Every time I am back from work, after I bath, I really want to sleep. But, I can never do that as I still have so much of my own things to settle. First, will be my studies, and secondly will be about my personal life.
Till today, I have still not started my proposal and also project. I really don’t know when I will start it and when only I will have the time to read up all the materials that I am suppose to. My memory is also a big problem. I am beginning to have really bad memory. I keep forgetting this and that, and making tons of mistakes in my report. Well, even though they are not big mistakes, but there are careless mistakes. Sometimes, it just makes me feel so useless and makes me start thinking that, “Am I suitable for this job or not?”
At the same time, I feel very lonely here. Especially, after coming back from Sg makes me feel the loneliness even more then ever. I missed all my coursemates that I always hand out with. I miss those times that all of us go eat and window shopping together and how we spent so much time in Niichi in Queensbay. Shit….!!! I really miss all of them a lot, and HATE the fact that I am here all alone!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Another busy week...
It's almost weekend now. And it has been a busy week since after a long weekend. Gotten 2 big reports when I was on leave last week. Talk about it.... THERE ARE BIG REPORTS!!
Thank God one was canceled. Still I am not reaching my target for this month. And for last month I am short of 1 report to reach my quota. Got another big case again today. It's due on the day after my half day leave on 3rd Sept.
It really makes me wonder, will I make it in time to finish up the report? Cause it will be another long weekend then, and I will be away next weekend in Singapore. Or else I will have to keep OT again next week like what I am doing this week. Arg.... all the training going on in office also it taking up my time to finish up the reports. The refresher course would be ok. But, WTH is with the English course???!!!! Hate that Jabba too.... he is so long winded over everything and delaying everyone's precious time.
Whatever happens... It's not like I am going to Singapore to enjoy or have fun. End up going there cause of my research work again. Well, I really need to get my proposal and project work started. Deadline coming up real fast. Die die...this weekend don't go for my Masters activities but go back to office to finish up my work... hehehe..... XD
Not long my family, friends, and bf will have to visit me in Tanjung Rambutan soon....... XD
Thank God one was canceled. Still I am not reaching my target for this month. And for last month I am short of 1 report to reach my quota. Got another big case again today. It's due on the day after my half day leave on 3rd Sept.
It really makes me wonder, will I make it in time to finish up the report? Cause it will be another long weekend then, and I will be away next weekend in Singapore. Or else I will have to keep OT again next week like what I am doing this week. Arg.... all the training going on in office also it taking up my time to finish up the reports. The refresher course would be ok. But, WTH is with the English course???!!!! Hate that Jabba too.... he is so long winded over everything and delaying everyone's precious time.
Whatever happens... It's not like I am going to Singapore to enjoy or have fun. End up going there cause of my research work again. Well, I really need to get my proposal and project work started. Deadline coming up real fast. Die die...this weekend don't go for my Masters activities but go back to office to finish up my work... hehehe..... XD
Not long my family, friends, and bf will have to visit me in Tanjung Rambutan soon....... XD
Sunday, August 17, 2008
It's over, It's tiring...
Sigh... Convo's over and I am damn bloody tired. Just send Bunny off and tomorrow will have to send another 2 off. NO...!! I am not happy about it. In fact very emo about it. Been holding back my tears when sending Lex off. What about tomorrow sending my best gals off too for tomorrow?
The last when we said goodbye, we are sure to meet again during convo. This time.... I am speechless. After this parting when will we ever meet again? Not only that, I am left alone again in this lonely place to walk this lonely journey of the the new phrase.
I am not very happy walking down this path. BUT, I know that I have to be strong to go through with it. Seriously, I have choose the worst and the hardest path to walk in. If I am given a choice again, I would not have done the same.
Life since July is bad. Tired to my bones that can break and lack of sleep most of the time. I just wish one day has more then 24 hours. Then I might have enough time to work and to do my studies as well.
Now, I am really feeling really lazy. I really don't feel like going back to work tomorrow, after 4 days of not working. This is really killing me going back to work and back to the most busy time.
I WANT A PROPER LONG HOLIDAY AND OUT OF MALAYSIA!!!!! Damn...not because of my work I would have been some where having a long holiday........ I hate it...!! How long more can I really take all this and this lonesome time alone again here???
The last when we said goodbye, we are sure to meet again during convo. This time.... I am speechless. After this parting when will we ever meet again? Not only that, I am left alone again in this lonely place to walk this lonely journey of the the new phrase.
I am not very happy walking down this path. BUT, I know that I have to be strong to go through with it. Seriously, I have choose the worst and the hardest path to walk in. If I am given a choice again, I would not have done the same.
Life since July is bad. Tired to my bones that can break and lack of sleep most of the time. I just wish one day has more then 24 hours. Then I might have enough time to work and to do my studies as well.
Now, I am really feeling really lazy. I really don't feel like going back to work tomorrow, after 4 days of not working. This is really killing me going back to work and back to the most busy time.
I WANT A PROPER LONG HOLIDAY AND OUT OF MALAYSIA!!!!! Damn...not because of my work I would have been some where having a long holiday........ I hate it...!! How long more can I really take all this and this lonesome time alone again here???
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