Still in Depression

Being home is still being in Penang. At least now I feel better when I am home. But, thinking of tomorrow going back to Penang, ticks me off again. I am really trying my best to control my emotions. But, I keep failing. I told my mum I really don't want to go back to Pg tomorrow. I really hate the fact that I have to go back tomorrow. I hate the fact even more that the next round I am to return home was during Raya that week. Thinking back, coming home is really a relief for me from all the hazard and buzzer. It's been a month since I last came home, and the last I came home was together with Lex after my convo. That week was the most busy week ever. But, during the busyness I really enjoyed all of it and was very happy as well.

I wished that happiness would have last instead all the ugliness of things. YES!!! I really screwed up my report as I predicted. And YES... I was called in by both my manager and also backup supervisor. SHIT... now I really don't know how to face my own supervisor next month when she comes back. Whatever happens, everything is over. I should be relief that I was only call in to explain myself and to let them know was I too stressed in coping with two big reports at one go. Well...it's settled though.

But, something is still amiss. I don't know what exactly it is. One thing I do still know is that, I am still physically, mentally and emotionally down. I just wish that weekends are longer. At least I can rest more at home and clear off some of things that I need to other than work.

Seriously, I rather stay home in Ipoh to take care of my grandma in nursing home or take my other grandma out and be home with my mum. I feel if, I work in Ipoh also it wouldn't be this bad. At least I know there are people waiting for me at home after a long day of work. I am also human. I also need to socialize. I also need someone to be with. I may look strong, but I am not really what others think of me as. All I just wish is that someone close to be to be with me to comfort me when I am down. Instead of me battling this battle all on my own. I too have a certain limit in taking on things which I think I already have to much on hand that I can't handle it anymore. All in all I only can pray to GOD to bless this daughter of yours with strength to go on.