Should I or Should I not?

I don't know anymore what should I do. I feeling very confuse with the suffering and pain that I am getting. I feel like I have just been slapped on my face a number of times. Or perhaps should be said that of not of slap but stabbed with a number of times at my heart. I can't contain anymore of these suffering pains that I am getting from him. Tired of it all.

How many times, I have to be hurt by him? Why can't he changed a bit for me? Why is he acting more and more or perhaps said he is getting worst? What have done wrong again? Why is he always provoking me knowing that I am very short temper with him? Why can't we jst have a peaceful New Year without him provoking me? Is gambling so important in his life?

He was never like this before. He always have cared for me knowing I would be traveling and so on. Today, he is totally different. Because of gambling he could forget about me and asked me not to disturbed him coz he wants to concentrate in gambling. What more asking me to pray that he will win. I know it's my fault telling him that I wish he will lose everything. What am I supposed to feel when I got that slapped on my face, "don't disturb me. I need to concentrate."?

It's upsetting. I am like at my limits. And what more at the end of day. Why ever did I care for him? I just don't understand why. Caring for him and I get stabs back at me. Was jst asking out of concern was he home adi or still gambling. Was I wrong to just asked? And his reply was he is home already and thanks to me he lost everything. Was it my fault that he wanted to gamble and lost everything?


He is always full of excuses when ever we engage in an argument that he provoke from me. Then I am always the one getting the blame. Did I not treat him good enough? Am I not giving in enough? I am already trying my best to contain my temper and I felt so much improvement that I didn't flare my temper so much lately but containing it. Yet, what have I done wrong to him to get such treatment from him.

I envy so much of my friends. And they are not even girls but are guys. They told me, they were log head or a cow once. But, for their girlfriends they would do anything and changed for them even though it's their everyday bad habit. I once did asked him to change. Later I guess, I just love him for who he is and I never asked anymore. But, I guess things do changed at times. And I am slowly changing for him yet he had changed nothing but of who he is. I just wonder does he bother a single bit of making me happy with him instead of always provoking me or just leaving me as i am. I too want to depend on someone and depend on him. I too want to feel the love from him.

I am really considering breaking up with him. I don't think I can take it any longer. I know I love him more than he does to me. And i know, if we were to break up I will never recover from it. It be forever a scare for me. But, I can't take his attitude any longer. The longer I stay with him, the worst he gets. I really don't know what I should do now.